farewell

Posted in Uncategorized on May 22, 2015 by rrryan

i lost my best friend yesterday.

my house feels weird and deafeningly quiet. i’ve gotten so used to every little sound she made. climbing down from the bed, shaking off, and puttering about the house every morning, waiting patiently for me to wake up. so many things i’ve gotten used to. so many things i couldn’t have noticed until now.

i adopted olive from the humane society in february 2008. i was 24, she was a 9 months old. to this day, i stay amazed and unbelievably thankful for whatever circumstances allowed her to be watching as i walked in front of her cage that day. she had been there for months, and i will never understand how. she had already developed a few of her signature moves, and deployed them aptly as i stooped down to say hi.… the hopeful eye contact; the lazy, swaying saunter; the toy haphazardly stuffed in her mouth. i was already sold, but i was most impressed with her demeanor. here she was, in a stinky cage she had spent months in, in a giant room full of stressed-out, loud, frantically barking dogs, and she just sat there quietly, wagging softly and looking at me with big brown eyes like i was the only living thing in the world.

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the theme would continue. from that point on, we were a package deal. our bond was immediate, deep, and unlike any i’ve ever had or likely ever will. i think every girl i ever dated probably felt a little chagrinned by it at first, only for olive to win them over anyway.  i started to resent anything that kept me from being around her. work, travel, social events. i had a few opportunities along the way that logistically couldn’t include her. at the time i felt i had to take those opportunities, but the more commitments i made to those kinds of non-dog things, the more i didn’t want to bother. this is mostly why i quit traveling. i just always, always wished she were there.

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god, i had no idea. i could never get used to being without her, and now i really need to learn.

i don’t know how i am supposed to do this. it feels like she was always there my whole life, helping to make me a man. i don’t know how to be one without her. i don’t know anyone or anything without her. i only know how to be half of a whole. like, do i like things? do i have preferences? do i wanna go to the park? there’s a squirrel on the fence outside my window right now, should i go chase it like olive would?

i know in my heart that she is still with me. i know that i’ll never see a squirrel on that fence again without thinking of her. i know i’ll still wake up with my legs diagonally across the bed, making room for her at my feet. i know i’ll still hear her feet tearing through the house to greet me every time i come home. i know i’ll never grab ice out of the freezer without looking over to see her sitting politely, waiting for me to toss her a cube. i know i’ll never leave for work without thinking to kiss her on the head and say “sorry ol, you stay here.” i know she is still present in everything i do. i know this is the hard part. i know this is what love is. i know this is what will guide me through the next chapter, and what gives me pain now will give me strength later.

but FUCK it hurts right now. i can’t believe she’s gone and i miss her so much already.IMG_2693

still, there is some sense of relief. i have been dreading this day for a long time, and this last month was hard. i’m glad i was able to take more time to spend with her during her last days, but in retrospect i realize i probably didn’t really NEED to do so and it was probably more for me than for her. in classic olive form, she was always happy with whatever she got. even as her tumors grew, uncomfortably restricting her movement and taking away her breath, she loved all the same stuff the same way. her last hours were spent eating cheeseburgers, chocolate cake, and ice cubes and lounging in the yard. she looked as happy as ever. i tried not to let her see me tear up, but she knew anyway; she had seen that a lot lately.IMG_3099

so now it’s about following her example and being happy with what i have. and i am. i have been lucky to share a (dog’s) lifetime of love and laughs with the sweetest, funniest, absolute best creature i’ve ever known. her spirit and soul will endure long after her body’s passing, and i am so thankful to have been a part of it.

we had fun, ol. thanks for always being there. i’ll see you soon, in this life or the next.  <3<3<3

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*a special note for clients: i realize this is the first blog post i’ve made in a long time. perhaps it’s the first thing i felt was worth writing about. i also feel i owe some explanation to those of you who have emailed me anytime in the last month or two…. you probably haven’t gotten a response, and i think this explains why. if you haven’t heard back from me and are still interested in getting tattooed, please feel free to re-send and i will get back to you as soon as i can. i have a lot of scheduling and rescheduling to manage, but i’m looking forward to getting back on track in the coming weeks. as always, thank you for your continued interest and patience.*

brambles

Posted in Uncategorized on September 13, 2013 by rrryan

hi everyone.

been a while. i had not found much reason to keep up with anything over here for most of the last few years. there is a diminishing quality to maintaining an internet presence in this way, and for me it diminished to the point of no return. when i started this blog four years ago, it developed into a kind of therapy for me… a way for me to find value in the sleepless, lonely hours of night where my mind raced against itself. “somnambulance(medically defined as sleepwalking),” was an active choice for the title here as much for its literal definition, as much for the metaphorical implications, as much for the general state of being as it applied to a troubled soul grappling with first-world problems. it helped sometimes… not always. but there turned out to be a cumulative effect, too, and good things came of it. i started to feel a little better. met a girl. things made sense. i could sleep, and escape the circle of self-immersion that made everything beautiful also depressing. by default, there was mercifully less purpose and opportunity to stay up all night ruminating on thoughts of self and the trouble with it all. perhaps not coincidentally, as blogging declined, so did the stress levels. never was this more clear than when i accidentally put my camera through the washing machine, rendering it useless, and after the initial forehead-slapping, actually felt a sense of relief in that i had a perfect excuse to not deal with showing you all tattoo photos. work had never been less stressful.

but. things change, and old habits die hard. and here i am again, for better or worse, at 4 am sharp. here’s some crap for y’all. these are almost all terrible smartphone photos (i laundered my camera, remember?), so gimme a break.

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poe has been tattooed by some seriously good tattooers, so i was both honored and terrified to put these boobs on his boobs.

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there can never be too many tiger tattoos.

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chris, in typical canadian form, was a pleasure to work with on this fancy skull.

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done on one of my favorite people. never done this image before and i love it.

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words cannot describe how bad this photo makes this otherwise good tattoo look.

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love this tattoo on dave. we’re doing a dragon on the other arm and he is going to look cooler than everyone.

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i still like owl tattoos.

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wow, this photo sucks. the tattoo is better than this i promise.

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UNEMPLOYABLE.

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luna moths are huge.

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your grandma was probably a babe when she was young, too.

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probably my favorite tattoo to date, and the only good photo in this bunch, probably because i didn’t take it. 5 sessions, start to finish. ashley is a badass.

Posted in Uncategorized on May 8, 2013 by rrryan

hi guys! this’ll be a quick one…

i apologize for the late notice, but i will be working the silver state tattoo convention in reno, nv this upcoming weekend, may 10-12, with my good friend and cohort brian wilson. i will not be taking appointments for this convention, instead i’ll just be doing walkins, from a little book of line drawings i’ve put together. i’m stoked to do it that way and will probably do that for every convention i ever do again. the lineup for this one looks pretty good…. you can find more info about the convention at http://silverstatetattoo.com/.

come say hi!

see ya there, thanks!

r

 

 

 

 

machinery

Posted in Uncategorized on December 31, 2012 by rrryan

hi folks,

so, clearly i haven’t been in the blogging spirit for a while. i’m still not, but there’s something about holidays and the turning of a new year that compels me to try and touch base with the outside world and share a little. that said, i don’t expect to carry this spirit onward into the new year as some sort of half-assed resolution… i don’t think i’ll go back to blogging with the regularity that i used to.  no, i just like to look at  year retrospectively, and remember it was a good one. posting six months worth of tattoo work seem an efficient way to do so.

for those who are wondering, i am booked through march and the next availabilities won’t be until april-ish… for which i won’t start booking until mid-march. if  you are interested in getting tattooed it will be best if you contact me around then. as always, ongoing projects and regulars get first priority in the schedule, and then i will take new clients as time allows. occasionally a short-notice availability will pop-up, and when that happens i will post it on instagram @ryanscapegoat.

again, a heartfelt thanks to all of you for your continued interest and support. have a happy and healthy new year!

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THAT POSSUM’S DRUNK

bryanz4 bryanz3  bryanz1

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skippy4 skippy3 skippy2 skippy1

sam5 sam4 sam3 sam2 sam

rande2 rande1

phil laura

dave2 dave1 dan

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corrie

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DSC_0041(2 years!)

alabaster

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2012 by rrryan

hi everybody.

don’t you hate when things don’t go like you planned? like, you work really hard to figure out something that you’re sure is gonna work out for you and everyone else, and it doesn’t work out, like AT ALL? yeah. sucks.  in a not-so-subtlely-related note, if you’ve sent me an email in the past two months and haven’t gotten a response, it’s because i have an anxiety attack every time i try to write back. trust me, i’ve tried to respond. but i probably just don’t have a good answer for you yet. thanks for your patience, i’ll get back to you when i can write a thorough response without it including several paragraphs of unpronouncable nonsense(ie, the prose of my forehead banging on the keyboard in distress).

at least i have some pictures.

someday i’ll have a real update.

rain dogs

Posted in Uncategorized on March 16, 2012 by rrryan

hi everybody, been a while. i’ve been busy and tired, which is normal… but lately i’ve had little to show for it. i also just noticed, looking at all these photos, that almost all of these clients pictured traveled from somewhere other than portland to get tattooed. weird.

first up… tao came all the way from copenhagen and sat for 12 hours over two consecutive days to get this classic tiger/dragon battle…. for his first tattoo. totally badass. we were originally planning on just getting the lines and black done, but at some point i think i lost my mind and decided we should just go for it. in retrospect i’m glad we did it, but it got pretty gnarly there for a while.  even though it’s only march, we can give tao the 2012 badass award now. also, more tattoos like this, please.

bran’s taken a few trips up to portland from colorado, where she does some lovely tattoos, to piece together this sleeve. so far every critter on this arm has a beverage in hand, but this mayor-owl is the classiest.  i think next time we are gonna wrap it all up with squirrelly, the critter-town drunk, which i’m actually excited for. thanks bran!

ashley came up from phoenix for this lady/mirror/pocketwatch/dead crow. 3 sessions altogether. i really like the lady’s hair, and the upside-down crow. ashley also apparently has an amazing job where she gets to be the flight attendant for nba basketball teams, so i was really happy to hear her talk about how friendly and funny shaq is, and how kevin garnett is a total weirdo. thanks ashley!

skulls and roses will never get old.

neither will owls. especially snowy ones.

more like this please. loren also has the treehouse tattoo i posted some time ago, and i was really happy to do this one all huge on her tiny leg. i don’t think i’ll ever get sick of doing any kind of skull. i will, however, get sick of doing cats. and deer. and foxes(unless it’s a kitsune). thanks loren!

i know i just said i’m sick of foxes, but i like this one. i am going to try really hard to have this one officially be the last fox i’ll do, because i’m not sure i’ll be able to do any better than this. thanks dyanna!

healed photo on sasha’s octopus tattoo i did about a year and a half ago. i like it!

in progress:

i have an interview in this month’s issue of  a german tattoo magazine, Tatowier. it’s all auf deutsch so i can’t read anything the article says, but at least there’s boobs on the cover.

that’s all i got, kids. nothing new to report, for now.

as always, thanks for your interest!

booked!

Posted in Uncategorized on January 20, 2012 by rrryan

ok folks, i am now booked through april and will not be taking any appointments until may-ish. keep an eye out here on the blog (subscribe if you’re smart) and i’ll make another announcement here when i’m taking appointments again.

thank you everyone, for your continued interest. i got a lot of emails for a lot of good ideas, and didn’t get nearly as many of them into the schedule a i would have liked to this time around. i hope it’s not too discouraging for any of you who missed out… patience and persistence will eventually work out.

i literally don’t have any photos to share, but i will next time!

r

 

 

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